


for love and turtleducks

by snowandfire



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Canon, Turtleduck(s), Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, and learns to express love, and turtleducks, this fic is about healing, without apprehension, zuko adopts a turtleduck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowandfire/pseuds/snowandfire
Summary: Newly crowned fire lord zuko raises an orphaned baby turtleduck and learns how to give love without apprehension
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 90
Kudos: 1758
Collections: A:tla, zukka





	for love and turtleducks

**Author's Note:**

> prompt by @sukizuko

People expect him to be everywhere at once. They expect him to be firm, but not weak. Strong but not dominating. Compassionate but not spineless. He walks a thin line everyday. A tightrope. Zuko never thinks about it as unfair. Being the leader of a world power at sixteen. To him, it’s more than he deserves. _Much more._ Being here and being allowed to lead these people at all. After what his family has done. 

He’s been reading books about statecraft. Most of them are complicated, and make him miss Sokka and his comical impressions of overserious intellectuals. Some have genuine wisdom, and he notes everything down that he thinks will help. One thing touches him most of all. It’s a quote. From a rather unassuming book. _A leader should be like a father to his people_. 

At first, he doesn’t really know what to make of it. ‘Father’ is such a charged word to him. It always has been. He comes back to it every day though, and gradually, he figures it out. 

Ozai was like a father to the people too, he realizes. The same kind of father he was to Zuko. Cruel. Selfish. Attached to his own ego. His own needs. Zuko thinks about what kind of ‘father’ he would like to be. As a leader. It doesn’t take long before his mind wanders to a tea shop in Ba Sing Se. To the South Pole. 

_Iroh_ and _Hakoda_. That’s what a father should be. Zuko knows that much. But he doesn’t know if he has it in him to be like them. They give out their love so easily. The way they gently guide. He’s never been able to do that. For the longest time he felt that loving like that was just a big mistake. The one person he had loved, truly, and with his whole entire being--she had left. She had left and the gaping scar it had left across his heart was bigger, and deeper and more painful than the one on his face. 

Zuko walks by the pond sometimes, to remember her. Simpler times. When he would sit with her and watch the turtleducks. He remembers the way he used to fit into her lap. Rest his head against her arm. He used to laugh so easily back then. It feels like another life. 

There are no turtleducks here now. None that he can see. Oh well. He sits in the grass. Just by himself. Because power is lonely. Even if he’s lucky to have it, for what it’s worth, he thinks he at least has his people’s best interests in mind. He knows what the philosophers say. Heavy is the head that carries the crown and all of that. But his heart is even heavier because of the things he’s seen. The pain. His own and that of others. 

The water itself is so still, he can see his own reflection. And for one wild second, he just wants to jump in. Like he did that day at the North Pole. Just jump in the water and see where he can go. But he stops himself. He looks at his reflection. Sees the mark. His father’s mark. And he wishes he could be more than this. 

It’s right then that he hears the soft ‘squawk’. And out it emerges from a clump of reads. A baby turtleduck. So small. Cream colored with a mottled brown shell. It waddles up to him. 

He doesn’t know what to say. It’s weird anyway, that he feels the need to say _anything_. Because, well, it’s a turtleduck. Not a person. Not a diplomat or a noble. Or a councillor. It doesn’t have official firelord business with him. But he can’t stay quiet. For some reason, it feels rude. 

_What would mother do?_

Zuko looks around. Nothing. There are no other turtleducks here. This turtleduck, he’s alone. If he’s a he at all. 

“Hey.” Zuko says, feeling stupid because he’s the firelord and he’s talking to a turtleduck. 

The little baby turtleduck comes closer at the sound of his voice, and nestles by the side of his knee. It’s kind of sad, but it’s the closest anyone’s come to him in a while. Ever since he broke up with Mai. People tend to give their firelord a wide berth. It’s only proper. He hates it. 

He sits like that with the turtleduck for a while. And he actually appreciates the company. In the past year, he’d discovered a soft spot for animals. It had started with Aang’s bison. Appa. Appa had been the first one to accept him. If he thinks about it. Minus Katara, that time when he had almost done the right thing and then done the wrong thing. He thinks about that disgusting lick. 

The others don’t know this. But when the rest of them were asleep. Zuko actually had spoken to Appa. He does that sometimes. Speaks to people who can’t say anything back. It’s nice, because there’s no pressure. Or weird looks. Or even if he says something totally bad. It won’t really matter. He mostly talked to Appa about his Uncle. It had been nice. 

This is nice too. Just sitting here quietly. But eventually he knows he has to leave. When he gets up to leave. It follows him. Obviously though it can't keep up. It's quacking in distress. As if it's saying. _Hey asshole, I thought we shared a moment._ So he caves. He picks it up and takes the turtleduck with him.

There are some weird looks and whispers around the palace for the next few days. Okay more than some. A lot. People start asking questions. Why does the firelord carry around a turtleduck with him? Is it an omen? A symbol? But Zuko insists it's just a pet. After all the Earth king has a bear! So eventually his advisors let it go. 

The real trouble starts when Sokka hears the news and immediately stops by to try and name it. It's been a long time since Sokka's been in the city. At least as far as he knows. And there's something about him that feels different. _Oh._ There it is. He's wearing his hair down today. _Oh boy_. 

"What about Quackie? Like hawkie?" Sokka strokes its shell. 

"Absolutely not."

"Zucchini? Cause you're Zuko." Sokka laughs. 

"Yeah, no."

"What kind of name do you want then, huh?" Sokka demands playfully. 

"Something that means something."

"Roku?"

"You want me to name a turtleduck after my great-grandfather. And Aang's previous life."

"Hey you're the fire lord. So you can make the rules. Plus, I think Aang would be honored."

So he names the turtleduck _Roku_. Supposing it's fine. Sozin has a comet of death and destruction as his namesake. Roku should have...something. 

He mentions this to Azula the next time he visits her in the facility. It's the first time she's spoken back to him in weeks. 

"That's ridiculous. You're making a mockery of our legacy. This is why Mai left you."

_She didn't. We're friends. I had lunch with her yesterday._

He wants to say that. But he knows Mai is a sore subject for his sister. 

Instead he asks, "Fine. What would you have called it?"

"I would have killed it."

Right. So they still have some work to do. 

* * *

Zuko puts a lot of effort into housing Roku. First, he moves himself to a room that opens up to some green space. Then he makes a nesting place out of clean straw and wood shavings. He makes sure the little turtleduck has consistent access to clean water and greens. He also insists on holding most of his meetings outdoors, weather permitting, so Roku can waddle around. He almost doesn’t realize he’s doing all of these things. It just sort of flows out of him. It’s not even something he considers _not_ doing. 

Turtleducks are flightless birds. So he never worries about Roku up and flying away. He’s grown protective, over so small a time. Even so. 

He’s initially wary of other people coming close to it. But when he sees that he means no harm, they allow them to pat the duck’s shell. He likes to talk to them about it. After a while, he realizes it’s actually helping. People find him less intimidating when he’s near a quacking duck. _God that sounds stupid._ But it is nice. That they know him for a turtleduck more so than for his scar. More so than for his father. 

He starts to talk to it. He says things he can’t say to people. Even if he might want to. 

“I need to be good at this. You know? They _expect_ me to be good at this! I can’t let them down.” 

“It doesn’t really matter how I feel. I just have to push through. I can handle it. I have to.” 

"I know he's the avatar. But it would be nice if he was here more often! Then they'd all come. They always follow him."

He only hears quacks in return.

"Thanks buddy."

* * *

Sokka stops by a lot more often now. Zuko doesn’t really get why. But it’s a welcome change of pace. Sokka, at least, doesn’t expect him to be _fire lord Zuko_ all the time. 

He seems almost amused at the nest in Zuko’s bedroom. And at the way Zuko yells out things like “careful!” and “quiet down now you’ve already eaten” at Roku. As if he can understand human language. 

He laughs out loud at the fact that the turtleduck tries it’s hardest to follow Zuko around. 

“I think it thinks you’re its mom.” 

“Yeah. Very funny. I know what people say about it.” 

“You heard about the _turtleduck lord_ thing?” 

Zuko had not in fact heard about the ‘turtleduck lord’ thing. 

“No. Please tell me no one actually calls me that.” Zuko groans, why does this always happen?

Sokka looks apologetic, “...Well. Not to your face. But it’s a good thing. Isn’t it?” 

“Why would that be a good thing?” 

“Well you’ve circled it around a hundred times.” Sokka points to the parchment on Zuko’s desk, “A ruler should be a parent to his people.”

“Don’t look at my papers! And don’t judge me.” 

“Hey. I’m not judging. I totally get being attached to Roku here. I once jumped into Appa’s mouth to save Momo.” Sokka smiles. 

“I remember that.” 

“Those were good times.” Sokka says, nonchalantly taking a step closer. 

_No they weren’t. If they were tolerable, it was because of you._

“They kinda were.” Zuko wonders if he should have said something then. Or now. Or ever. 

Sokka’s just looking at him. But he doesn’t look at Zuko like that. Does he? His eyes trace a path from Zuko’s feet to the top of his head. They’re lingering. _Is he? Looking looking?_

Zuko feels his heart thudding in his chest. 

“I have to go.” Zuko announces. 

“We’re at your house.” Sokka asks, and Zuko wants to die if this isn’t what he thinks it is, “Where could you possibly have to go?”

_Anywhere. Anywhere but here._

“That’s a good point. Do you--uh, do you?”

“Dinner? I’d love to.” Sokka smiles. And Zuko is done for. 

* * *

In a matter of weeks. Sokka has entrenched himself in Zuko’s life about as much as the turtleduck. He wonders if maybe they might be in cahoots about it. Sokka’s certainly the only one Roku trusts to actually hold him. Other than Zuko himself. 

Food? There’s Sokka. 

Meetings? There’s Sokka. 

Reading political science treatises from long dead philosophers? There’s Sokka. And Wang Fire. _Just because._

Even lurking around his bedroom right before he sleeps? Yup. Sokka. And if he thought he had a crush before. Well know he has. Well now he has a _major problem._

On the one day when he thinks Sokka won’t around he talks about it with Roku. 

“What do I even say to him?” he asks. 

Roku just quacks. 

“I can’t just tell him that. What if he doesn’t like me like that?” 

Another quack. 

“This is stupid.” 

“Who are you calling stupid?” 

Zuko must have jumped three feet. _Turtleducks don’t talk._

But then he turns around and realizes it’s Sokka. He wishes Toph was here. So the earth could swallow him whole. Yeah. That would be nice. 

“How--how long have you been here?”

“Long enough.” 

“Fine. I talk to the duck. You happy now?” Zuko asks. 

Sokka smiles, “I’m never happy.”

_How long have you been waiting to use that?_

“Very funny.” 

“How could I be happy when I’m courting the most oblivious person in the world?” 

“You’re courting someone?” Zuko asks. 

_Of course he is._ Zuko thinks about the people he’s seen Sokka with. Which one of them it could be. He feels the beginnings of anger. And tries to think about Roku. About Uncle. About calming tea.

“Yeah.” Sokka sits down next to him, with a shit-eating grin on his face, “I am.” 

“That’s great.” Zuko grits his teeth, “I’m happy for you.”

_That’s just great._

* * *

By the time the fall comes around, Zuko realizes he has to release Roku back into the wild. He doesn’t want to do it. And he considers keeping him here. By his side. But he knows that wouldn’t be fair. 

All this time with Roku he’s thought about what it means to be a ruler. What it means to be a father. He knows that means looking beyond yourself. Looking for what’s good for someone else. Even if it’ll hurt you. It also means letting go. After a certain point, even after putting all your love and care into someone. You have to trust them. You have to let them find their own way. You’re a guide, not a policeman. You never want to be a policeman. 

It doesn’t make it easy though. He wakes up one morning at the crack of dawn. He can’t believe that tears are actually coming to his eyes at the thought of it. 

Zuko picks up Roku. He listens to his morning quacking for the last time. _You don’t know that it’s the last time though, and I’m sorry._

He makes sure he’s alone. And that no one is following him. He disguises himself in commoner’s clothes. And slips out of the palace. He’s about a mile out when he hears footsteps behind him. 

“Not up to anything, huh?” 

_Sokka._

“Do you just love using my own lines against me?” Zuko sighs, lowering his hood and turning back to face him. 

“When it was about honor for me. You came with me. It’s about love for you now. And I’m coming with you.”

“Okay.” Zuko doesn’t have it in him to argue, “Just come on.” 

The walk afterwards is calming. They watch the sun rise as they go. Zuko feels his feet get heavier with every step. The crisp crunch of the grass underneath his feet. He doesn’t want to keep going. So he stops. Sokka overtakes him, wordlessly, and he follows. After that they don’t look back. 

After a while they get to the spot. It’s a lake. Almost a secret one a few miles from the city. There are lots of turtleducks here. Roku will be right at home. Zuko’s sure of it. 

He puts the turtleduck down on the ground. He’d been carrying him this whole time. He pats his shell. He runs his hand over Roku’s head. _Soft. So soft._ He smiles, at the memory of how small he had been. How big he is now. He feels conscious that Sokka’s watching. 

“Hey. So. You should go now.” Zuko says, not appreciating how choked his own voice sounds. 

“We’ll miss you.” Sokka crouches down next to him. 

“Yeah. We will.” 

Zuko exhales deeply. _Come on. Be a man. Be a father._

He gets up, and turns away. But the turtleduck follows him. It takes everything he has for Zuko to shoo him away. 

“Go! Go on now.” Zuko raises his voice a bit, to make the point. 

Sokka reaches out and grabs his hand then. And Zuko holds on so tight he thinks he might break it. 

Roku quacks in confusion. 

“Go!” Zuko says again, _please, please understand._

Almost like a miracle. He does. Roku dips into the water. And begins swimming. For the first time. Swimming away. He looks back at Zuko, one more time, before picking up speed. Maybe, just maybe he does understand. Maybe he always did. _That’s just crazy._

Sokka gives his hand a squeeze. 

“S’just a turtleduck.” Zuko says weakly. 

“It’s never just anything. Not with you.” 

“Yeah.” it’s hard to admit, but that’s true, that’s always been true. 

“You were good to him.” Sokka says gently, “You’re good for a lot of people.”

“For you?” Zuko asks. He’s at an emotional low point now. He has nothing to lose. 

Sokka turns Zuko’s face towards him, and leans in to kiss him, sweetly, softly, it’s a revelation. _It’s me. He was courting me._

The look in Sokka’s eyes is unmistakable, “For me? More than good.” 

Zuko kisses him back, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t even know what the tears are for. For Roku? For his mother? For what his father wasn’t? But Sokka doesn’t seem to mind. Sokka never seemed to mind anything.

Sokka only stops kissing him to say, “Wait. You’re going to miss it.” 

In the distance. He sees it. Roku with a gaggle of his own kind. Swimming circles with a friend. Another turtleduck. Quacking with joy. _You’re happy. And that makes me happy._

To Zuko, it’s all suddenly worth it. 

For a while, they just sit there, hand in hand. They watch Roku and the others, swim farther and farther away. Zuko feels his heart grow heavy and light at the same time. But for the first time, even with Roku gone, he doesn’t feel alone. He’s learned now. He can love. He can love without fear and without apprehension. Most importantly of all, he can let go. 

“Was it you?” Zuko asks, “Who brought an orphan baby turtleduck to the pond?” 

He doesn’t get an answer. Because Sokka’s grabbing him by the back of the head. Pulling him closer and kissing him again. But he feels it in Sokka’s kiss. 

_It was. It was. It was._


End file.
